That title has nothing to do with anything. But I’ve always wanted to stage a 1930s-styled Busby-Berkley musical entitled “The Happiest Pants in the Universe”. Has a certain ring to it, no? … NO? OK then. Shit.

“Tell you what, those leaky pants’ll send you on a one-way ticket to the boneyard, see?”

Well this WAS going to be a basic life update of sorts, and it is, but it was supposed to be typed on my brand new awesome gaming rig, but Dell is a bunch of lying liars what lie a lot, so a promised delivery date of 11/28 turned into 12/5. So they are right now people worth pooping on. Of course, all of this could have been resolved if I simply installed a new video card to replace my fried, dead, and long-lamented and dearly-missed nVidia, but shiny new gear = SHINY NEW GEAR! So another week I wait.

This is who the Dell CEO claims is his wife…

I also have the next installment of Boob Tube Rhapsodies almost ready to go, but I am going to wait until next week for that. We got the Season Finale of “Boardwalk Empire” and the fall finale of “Revolution” both this week. And man-oh-man is Boardwalk TOTALLY en fuego, man! But that’s a knish for another deli, as they say. And by they I mean me, because I’ve never heard anyone else say it and they probably should.

So anyway, Thanksgiving was blessedly low-key and awesome. Family was out-of-town so Boots & I spent the day cleaning, cooking, watching the Macy’s Parade and Purina Dog Show (tradition), and had dinner over at Flanigan’s (aka the only restaurant what was open) and it was gloriously nice and relaxing. Friday I woke up at 4am and spent the entire day waiting to go to bed at 8pm that night, in prep for a 16 mile run Saturday morning. The day was spent in a continuous state of exhaustion, but I managed to spend quality time watching movies, playing video games, and running small errands. I am a fount of productivity when I put my mind to it. Fount is a great word. It’s not as great as albondigas but honestly that’s like saying the last Foo Fighters album wasn’t as great as Abbey Road.

I actually included this image in some compliance software I designed. They loved it. So of course I had to get rid of it…

The 16-miler on Saturday was wonderful, perfectly cool weather, 4:45am start time that took us through some of the most beautiful areas off 17th St near the beach. I really love my running group. It never really felt like that much work. We’re like this awesomely contained unit of self-supporting nitwits (albeit in damn good shape nitwits!) who keep each other moving and motivated. That was my longest run ever. Did it for stamina, not speed, and finished in about 3 hours. Can I pull off an additional 10 miles in 6 weeks? Good freakin’ God, I hope so…

I also bought some nice new toys: the aforementioned and oft-delayed new gaming PC — I will give Windows 8 an honest college try, but BLEARGH! — as well as a new Garmin Forerunner 610 running watch. I am in love with this thing. I whisper to it softly at night when I think Boots isn’t listening. I wonder if she is, and I wonder if she’s contemplating reasons why she married this Alien-headed psychotropic-moonpie in the first place. I think it’s because I make her laugh. Or that I throw around phrases like ‘psychotropic moonpie’. Regardless, I took the watch on a test-drive last night at the track for speed training, and now I can’t imagine running without it. I normally just used a stopwatch for intervals and Endomondo or Zombies, Run! for GPS tracking. Now I got all that activity denormalized so I don’t have to kill my cell phone’s battery every time I go out for a run and have to use GPS to destroy any semblance of remaining power while I listen to my tunes.

I wonder if this is the image I’m projecting…

And SPEAKING of battery power… Do not, I repeat, DO NOT purchase a Samsung Galaxy S2 Skyrocket phone under any circumstances. THIS PHONE IS BAD KARMIC JUJU. The worst. Mine refuses to charge for any reason, nor is the connector port working in any capacity whatsoever. This is now the FOURTH Skyrocket I’ve gone through. If you want a Galaxy, get the S2 or S3, but avoid the S2 Skyrocket like the goddamn plague. Here’s a quick rundown:

Phone #1: Dropped it in a bowl of lentil soup. Got a free replacement from the AT&T Store.
Phone #2: Camera stopped working in less than a week. Get a refurbished replacement from AT&T.
Phone #3: Dropped into a Port-o-Potty after running the Lou Gehrig 10K last May. You read that right. It was NOT dropped on the floor of the Port-o-Potty. It was dropped into the worst place imaginable. You know what you’re thinking? That’s exactly where it landed. And I had to rescue the SIM and Memory cards. And that’s all I’m saying about that…
Phone #4: Connector port failure. It needs soldering work that even someone as technically awesome as I am won’t even begin to attempt.

I am NOT buying any new phones. I love Androids, I love Samsung, but this Skyrocket is cursed. I ordered two standalone battery chargers from Amazon. They were supposed to arrive today. New arrival date is Friday. I no longer trust arrival dates. I wish they all had lice!!

Rock Bottom: you’ll know when you hit it.

OK well… the final big news is that Saturday, after doing my early morning 12-mile run with the group members who aren’t doing the Palm Beach Marathon on Sunday, Boots and I are hopping on a flight to LaGuardia, sliding into a rental car, driving out into Huntington to catch The Monkees perform! Or rather, the three surviving Monkees — Michael Nesmith, Peter Tork, and Mickey Dolenz. Boots is a ginormous fan and I’ve become quite a fan myself via osmosis. We saw Davy twice, once performing in a pantomime show at the Broward Center and once at a fundraiser for a Miami Shores (or was it Miami Springs?) community center, where they had a screening of the magnificent awesome 1968 Monkees movie Head (and if you’ve never seen it — SEE IT. It’s nothing like what you’re expecting. So much better than that…), and then we saw Davy, Peter, and Mickey on tour last year. They were wonderful. Not having Davy there will be a void that can never be filled, but for fans this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Plus naturally they won’t be coming to Florida at all. Hence the weekend daytrip. LITERALLY a daytrip. We leave back for home the day after the show. I hope we can make a side trip to Red Bank, NJ and check out the Secret Stash, but I don’t know if there’s gonna be time.

There’s so much more but, as I am WAY too quick to proclaim when I am at a loss for a suitable ending, suddenly I am hit by a truck!