In the darkest night
I make the bad guys fall
There’s a million heroes
BUT I’M THE BEST OF THEM ALL!
Who has the coolest gadgets? (Batman!)
Who has the tricked-out ride? (Batman!)
Who does the sickest backflips? (Batman!)
Honestly who hasn’t dressed up as a superhero? For Halloween or otherwise? For fun or otherwise? Abiding by restraining orders or otherwise?
I said the quiet part loud…
Superheroes and Halloween go together like chili con carnage, and there’s no better Halloween superhero than The Batman.
Seriously. None better. Name ONE.
You think my muscles are big? (Thanks)
You haven’t seen my brain, huh
Ladies, it’s okay if you stare (Why?)
CUZ I’M A BILLIONAIRE!
After all, the Batman is a creature born of tragedy, a winged freak of the shadows, a literal urban nightmare materializing to mete justice on those who would harm the city he protects. Furthermore, he is a trained ninja, a scientist, a master detective, a silent but lethal figure clad in shadows and darkness. On the other hand, his adversaries are loud, colorful, nightmarishly Technicolor actors on the Gotham City stage; garish neon caricatures of raw human psychoses taken four-color form to command your attention and… basically kill you, I guess.
And all the while, The Batman waits… until he doesn’t wait, when he acts and prevails. Then, just as quickly, disappearing again into the night. He works alone, and even when he has allies, they’re all just as nutty as he is.
The freakin’ Batman, man.
So in honor of The Dark Knight himself, let’s take some riffage from The Lego Batman Movie and go with Patrick Stump’s uberrockin’ self-aggrandizing take on the legend, Who’s The (Bat) Man. All guitars and growling vocals and thundering drums and pounding metal rhythms, this is the Caped Crusading Music: Level 99.
I get the last laugh
I get the final grin
Throw you into the asylum with Harley Quinn
Turn Two-Face, to black-and-blue face
I 100% am not Bruce Wayne, yeah
Who is the manliest man? (Batman!)
With the buns of steel? (Batman!)
Who could choke hold a bear? (Batman!)
Who never skips leg-day? (Batman!)
Who always pays their taxes (NOT Batman!)