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Rating: 6 \/ 10<\/em><\/p>\n Yes, there are a ton of reasons why\u00a0Top Gun\u00a0was such a smash. How big was it, you ask? The film grossed a staggering $176 million in 1986 dollars domestically, and over $350 million worldwide. Adjusted for inflation, that’s total box-office earnings of\u00a0$850 million dollars<\/em>\u00a0— all off of a budget of just around $16 million! And what about that soundtrack? Fueled by the pap pablum poo-poo of Kenny Loggins’s\u00a0Danger Zone<\/em>, Berlin’s\u00a0Take My Breath Away<\/em>, and the unforgettable\u00a0Through The Fire<\/em>\u00a0by Larry Greene, the movie’s coordinated album release sold 7 million copies, one of the biggest album soundtracks ever produced.<\/p>\n A commercial juggernaut, no question about it,\u00a0Top Gun\u00a0was nothing less than a box-office But that’s not why the film was such a smash.<\/p>\n The film’s success is almost entirely due to the fact that\u00a0Iron Eagle\u00a0<\/em>sucked\u00a0so\u00a0<\/em>hard, there are still images of people watching that turdburger trapped on the event horizon.<\/p>\n I mean, you don’t have to be Cole Porter to decrypt what Kenny Loggins was describing when he sang about the “Highway to the Danger Zone”…<\/span><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/millheiser.com\/hokeyblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/topgungay2.jpg\" "\\"topgungay2\\"")
<\/a>You could put up a plethora of reasons to determine why\u00a0Top Gun<\/strong>\u00a0was\u00a0the\u00a0<\/em>smash hit of 1986. Maybe it was the rising star talent of a young Tom Cruise, who with this film knocked his already rocketing career into the stratosphere. Or perhaps it was the distinct music-video visual flair of director Tony Scott, who, after the disastrous performance of his woefully underrated art house horror flick\u00a0The Hunger<\/em>, couldn’t get arrested in\u00a0Hollywood\u00a0during the mid 1980s. Or perhaps it was the rock-em sock-em, in-your-face, popcorn-pleasing, box-canyon-yodeling partnership of Jerry Bruckheimer and the late Don Simpson, whose previous music-vid-as-cinema collaboration, 1983’s\u00a0Flashdance<\/em>, was also a commercial smash. And why not? It established their formula of hiring commercial and music video directors (in that case\u00a0Adrian\u00a0Lyne), marketing the film with a smash pop soundtrack, and focusing on pomp and spectacle over subtlety and characterization. Or perhaps –\u00a0perhaps\u00a0<\/em>– the film came out at just the right time, in the heart of Reagan’s America, during which the celebration of America’s military supremacy was once again a palatable (and dare I say, enjoyable) topic for mass consumption. The Vietnam-era hangover had faded into a Sunday night Shoney’s Buffett of Babes, Bombs, and Bullets, and who better to lead movie-watchers down this road then a group of filmmakers who were aping\u00a0the\u00a0<\/em>most appealing commercial stylings of the time – music videos?<\/p>\n<\/a>smash and a pop-culture phenomenon. It had everything going for it: a talented cast, including the aforementioned Tom Cruise, Kelly “The road to obscurity begins here” McGillis, Val Kilmer, the dead guy from E.R., a confused looking Tim Robbins, a largely ignored Meg Ryan, the whacked Vietnam Vet drug dealer from\u00a0Up In Smoke<\/em>, the principal from\u00a0Back to the Future<\/em>, and Ham Tyler from\u00a0V: The Final Battle<\/em>. The film looked great, sounded great, and provided thrills and chills and pathos for non-discriminating audiences around the world. Heck, for example, I work with this smoking babe who grew up in semi-rural\u00a0Alabama, and for an entire\u00a0year\u00a0<\/em>the only film playing at the local theater was\u00a0Top Gun. And she and her friends must have seen this movie\u00a0eight thousand times<\/em>. Hot young guys with washboard abs playing volleyball topless to a pulsating pop soundtrack? Oh they were\u00a0so\u00a0<\/em>there…<\/p>\n<\/a>But never mind that; let us return to Top Gun<\/em>. I’m not even going to try and review this sucker. Let’s just say that\u00a0Top Gun\u00a0is what it is: the most commercially successful, visually resplendent, action-packed, and non-graphic gay porn ever constructed. In your heart of hearts you know it’s true. There are exactly two women in this entire movie that are given more than a line or two of dialogue, naturally referring to Ms. McGillis and Ms. Ryan. They are both “love interests” of the two main dudes, Cruise and Edwards, but honestly they are so woefully underwritten and glossed over that they might as well be cardboard cutouts. I’m not criticizing their acting abilities, mind you. McGillis is rather subdued but acceptable in her role, and Ryan provides the spunk, cuteness, and vibe that would soon endear her as “America’s Sweetheart” for a time roughly between 1987 and 1998, or at least until she started boning Russell Crowe. But they are so uninteresting to the filmmakers that their appearance in this film seems little more than perfunctory or workmanlike. The men are so in love with each other and their ships that you half expect to see Tom Cruise nudging a meatball with his nose during an outdoor spaghetti dinner with his F-14, while two swarthy Mediterranean types croon “Bella Note” to the delight of closeted jocks everywhere.<\/p>\n